From a Single Father's Heart...

Have You Done Your Best?

by Pernell K. Kirkland

Pernell Kirkland

When I was first asked to be a part of this month’s Father’s Day edition of PhatSkinny Chic, I was like “I am a father, but I don’t know if I am the type of man these women would want to read about! They would prefer to hear about a Dwayne Wade, a Denzel Washington, or even a President Obama! Surely I would not be as interesting of a read as they are.  But in an ironic twist of events, I was chatting with a friend of mine one day about fatherhood and she told me “Pernell, YOU ARE a great father! Never doubt that….”

Today I want to talk to the brothers out there that feel they aren’t a good father because of their economical status, or better yet… because of standards set upon them by society, family, or even themselves. This is something close to my heart because for so long, I have been putting the most pressure on myself in this area.  My sisters and I was raised by both my parents…a very close knit family, and in my eyes, my father was and still is like Superman to me.  A man of his word, Dad always made sure we all had everything we needed and the things we desired at times. For years I have seen him travel to his job an hour away, work 10, 12, and sometimes 16 hour days, and then come home to spend time with his family.  Many days he would come in and go help out someone in need of assistance….and then there were the days when he would come in and collapse in his chair under the weight of a long day. But in all of those years….my father has NEVER complained. He knew what needed to be done, and without complaint or murmur, he would simply find out what was needed, pray with my mom about it all, and do it. Wow…surely this man is from another planet I use to think. But he isn’t… this is who God blessed to be my example to show me what a real father is suppose to look like…

Or So I thought….

Pernell & Frankie  Kirkland 

Dad never put any pressure on me to be exactly like him. He only did what he felt was right in his heart to do for his family. Sure he didn’t let me listen to everything on the radio, made sure I dressed appropriately, and definitely held me accountable to my actions. But isn’t that what a father is suppose to do? As I said before, my dad was invincible to me, and as I grew older, I felt I owed it to myself to be just like him.  I was blessed with my son, Christopher, the spring of 2000 and immediately I knew I had to give him the same upbringing my father gave me. Although his mother and I were not together, I deemed it necessary to move closer to him so I could be the dad he needed. I simply wanted to be there for him the way my father was there for me.  I had just graduated with degree in Business Management and I knew I would be able to provide my son with EVERYTHING my father did for his kids, and then some.  Things didn’t turn out the way I hoped.  The jobs I worked were not the best financially, and I found myself constantly in and out of employment.  This was such an embarrassing thing for me because how could the son of a man who works so hard and held the same job down for over 23 years, be struggling like this?! I felt like a failure. I felt like I let myself down, my father down and more importantly….my son.  For years I have struggled and fought to become a better provider for Christopher.  I have to be honest; I even let this affect my ability to spend time with him. I was just so embarrassed and hurt, and although he was young and probably didn’t understand what was going on, I just couldn’t face him.  But despite the different obstacles life threw my way, I never stopped covering my son in prayer and doing the simplest thing any person could do: I always told him that I love him.  I knew it was important for him to know and feel that Daddy loved him and everything I was doing; it was ultimately to a better my father.

I’ve said all of that to say this.  We all have our own crosses to bear.  No man has the exact same story as the next.  My dad never told me “If you don’t do it my way, you will fail!” I put that pressure on myself.  As a result, it made the job even harder for me to do the simple things in life with my son, like take him to the park more, or teach him how to ride his bike, or just watch cartoons with him and laugh over the silly things. For a large part of his life I have been so consumed with trying to be a provider, I missed out on the things which mattered the most. Brothers, it’s great to have a role model to look up to.  For many of you, you didn’t have the luxury of seeing an older man being a provider and an effective dad.  Learn from and my experience, spending time with your children is rewarding and fulfilling for both you and the kids.  I guarantee you will be the greatest super hero in their lives.  My father use to say something to me when I was younger and I find myself saying it now to my soon to be teenage son.  Dad would always ask me one simple question at end of me task:

“Son did you do your best? Did you give it your all?”

If my response was yes, then he would say:

“Then that’s all you can do. You have done all you can do. Relax and let God handle the rest.”

Today I say to you guys….do your best. Don’t hold your head’s down when times get hard. Just pray…do your best…and let God handle the rest!

I dedicate this, my first blog ever written, to three people.

The first, my Father Frankie L. Kirkland.

Thanks Pops for showing me the way a real man operates and for always keeping your word.

The Second, my Son, Christopher J. Kirkland.

Pernell and Son Christopher

 I love you son…thanks for always understanding and being patient with daddy.

And lastly, to every brother out there doing all that they can to provide for their kids and be a great day.  I know it gets tough, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing right by your kids. In the end, it will pay off.

I salute you all….

Pernell Khyon Kirkland