Giving Love to Your Father

Giving Love to Your Father

J.Cornelius George 

I want to start off by acknowledging the great men who have been involved in my life. They all had children of their own, and yet they still took time out to mentor me and give me advice.  I also want to thank all of my best friends.  It amazes me how we turned out seeing some of the circumstances we came from.  I love my friends because we have always been there for each other since we hit double digits (10 & up), and we all are great fathers.  We are living proof good fathers can come from less than traditional backgrounds.

I was wondering why fathers can’t have their own day. (read my last article Why can't Father's have their own day)Why does the thought of celebrating fathers bring up so many bad feelings in many of us?   I do have a few questions. Take out a piece of paper (I’m an educator) and list all of the roles of a mother and then list all of the roles of a father (I’ll wait for you to finish).  Next, answers the questions, Has your parent every allowed you to call them the opposite gender name? Have you ever called your Mother, "Dad" and she answered?  I believe it is time each of us who have difficulty on this day to address the reasons behind why fathers can’t have this day.  This is something I myself had to do. More and more adults and children are suffering from father issues all the time. Whether it is your father or your children’s father, people are downright mad and hate these men.  It is time for us to start to heal those wounds (place the red iodine your family put on a cut; burns like hell) and move forward. Let me say this is just my opinion and the things I had to overcome.

Here are some points that helped me to overcome my “father issues”.

#1: Your father can never be an “EX” Once a father always a father

Your father or children’s father will always be a father. He can be a No Good father, Deadbeat father, sorry father, or any other names you want him to be, but he will never stop being your father.  This is a hard one to swallow because I had to accept my father on the basic level of just being a part of the process of me being here. This also implies there is always a chance for God to work on us. I have seen firsthand several relationships where the father was nonexistent in the children’s lives then God made a change where they had a relationship of some sort.  My father and I  could not have the relationship we have currently,  if I didn't first accept he was going to always be my father.  Why waste energy on having negative feelings?  I’m not saying go out and buy him a gift or beg him to take you fishing. Your acknowledgement has to start with you.

My Family

#2: To deny half of my existence is to deny the greatness that flows through my bloodline (up and down).

I love my children with all my heart and I tell them all the time to remember  they are a George and we act a certain way. In reality, they are George-Harris-Rich- Hall, because it is the genetic makeup of their parents. Each of these family genetics helped create and form the greatness in Caleb & Gabrielle. They are intelligent, funny, energetic, caring, outgoing, shy, reserved, athletic, and a host of other attributes.  How am I to know which part makes them who they are comes only from part of the family tree I choose to like?  I had to acknowledge I am wonderfully made and both halves of me deserved to be celebrated. Growing up my mother used to tell me  I had “ways” like my father (they were the things she didn't like), but I also have ways which are great like my father.  Because of this, I never want my children to deny my existence in any form.  My son and I have a saying every night “I Love You No Matter What”; we both have different reasons for saying this, but it means the same. It means, no matter what life brings us or what you do (good or bad), I will always love you. What is your genetic makeup and can you pinpoint which traits came from where? If not, stop disowning half of who you are.  

#3: Not acknowledging the father or children’s father is to admit a mistake was made

This is heavy, If I acknowledge my mother on father’s day I am not doing her a favor or giving thanks for the job of playing “both roles”; I am really telling her  I think you made a mistake by choosing this particular person as my dad. I would have made a better choice than him.  How about this: We give our mothers great gifts on mother’s day say we love you; then three weeks later we tell them their decision making skills on picking a father sucked! How many of us would tell our mother’s this? I know I WON’T!!! My mom would kill me!!  In my opinion this is what we do. I also believe we acknowledge our mothers due to the hurt we feel caused by our dads not being there (in any capacity). It took me a long time to get this point. I grew up believing I was a mistake. I grew up thinking who would I be if my father would have been different?  I believe I wasn't good enough to be his son. I grew to hate him because I believed  he truly thought I wasn't good enough, but that was not the truth. I was not a mistake, even though I did not come by the traditional means we are taught in church, I was still meant to be here. 

My DAD, Myself & Son Caleb 

The scriptures that were ingrained in me starts like this: When I was a child… and Judge not… (You can fill in the rest).   My father may not have been the best father growing up (May Not!! He wasn't), but he never stopped trying (even today). It took him sometime to understand this is the only job you can’t quit. I pray my kids continue to love me in spite of (they might need therapy cause I’m so much like my mother lol) all I might do wrong.

I truly love both of my parents (I am way too much just like them) and I would not change a thing about my upbringing, because all the good and the bad have made me the man I am today. We are not the Huxtable’s, and as much as we wish we could write parents out of our lives, we can’t. I prefer this reality much more than TVLand.