Bouncing Back From Rejections...

photo credit: TamD Photography

Hi, Everyone!

I know I have been sporadic with my blogging, but I have been waddling in self-pity and shame.   I’m shameful, because I let someone tear down my self-esteem.  I haven’t been able to really talk about it, because I felt so numb about the situation. I have been encouraging people to love themselves, feel sexy, and don’t care about what others say about them when I was getting cussed out and; ignored by someone I love so much.  Sometimes as Ladies, we can love someone so much that it is hard for us to see they are toxic to our mind and spirit.  We choose to ignore the pain. Somewhere along the way, we have just learned to live with the pain. When that person gives us a little attention or love, we cling to it so desperately. We pray one day they would love us like we love them.  We change who we are. We do everything in our power to make them happy.   We are willing to let our dreams and aspirations go just to be with them. 

I did this for a person. I listen to him tell me I was the person who should have been his wife. If I was his wife, he wouldn't be going through so much pain.  I listened to this and took some of the blame.  I felt like he needed healing. I just wanted to be supportive. I listened to his gripes about me from our previous relationship.  I recognize my short comings and wanted to correct them.  I took our re-connection as an opportunity from God to make things right.  I supported him through his deployment of Afghanistan.   I was super proud of myself. I worked very hard to show him I was ready and capable of supporting him and his dreams.   I was expecting to be rewarded for all my hard work and support.  Just when it look like we work through our issues, he flipped.  I felt like something was snatch from me.  I was told I was unattractive and unwanted. Even after I pointed out all this stuff I did for him because he asked me too. He so easily dismissed me.  He acknowledged what he did to me At the end of the day, he didn't care. He didn't want me.   I didn't get mad or angry, but I became numb. I asked God not to feel anything. I didn't want cry one tear: but of course, I did cry.  In that moment, I realize there was nothing I could have ever done to make him happy.  I vowed to myself he was the last person I would make an investment in without them making an investment in me first. 

I ain’t going to lie,It was a major blow to my self esteem. This is not a random person, but a person who has been a really close friend since I was 9. He knew all the intricate parts of me. He got me and I got him.  I told people his words were a flesh womb. I didn't miss a beat. In reality, my heart was bleeding out on the floor.  I was getting up every morning taking strides with my dreams.  I started designing t-shirts and working on an online business. At night when I was  alone, I would replay his words over and over in my head.  I traded my infused water for peach sodas and chocolate shakes.  I basically stopped working out.  I was like what is the point? No one is going to find me attractive anyway.  I had started to buy into the person foolishness. 

Thankfully I have a solid foundation in Jesus Christ.  I don’t talk about  my relationship with Jesus on here too often, but it is very important to me and vital part of who I am.  A part of becoming healthy is making sure my spirit is healthy. If I didn't have a relationship with Jesus, I would have drowned in my sorrows.  I refuse to allow this person to take another thing from me.  I made a promise to myself that I would not Die Here!  He would not kill my dreams my aspiration or my self-esteem.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was created in the image of God. He is well pleased with me.   Remembering these things about God, helped restore my confidence. 

Regaining My Confidence

Get back to the Core of Who You are--- I had to remind myself why I started this journey in the first place.  I am beautiful and just because He could recognize it doesn’t mean some other man wasn’t. 

I love me and this is why- I had to remember why I love me.

He help make me and not break me- I've become more focused on my health because of him.  I kept those changes and continued to grow.

When a person loves you they will accept you for who you are flaws and all

Never be with someone who makes you dim your light.

Recognize Takers- Takers take! It is their job to take from you and get what they need.  They leave your presences feeling full and on cloud ten, but you leave their presence feeling drained and empty.  We shouldn’t have high expectations for Takers.  I learned from this situation to make a minimum investment in Takers!

CLOSE THE DOOR!!- This person will never be allowed in my life ever again.  I hold no grudges against him.  I just love me more.

FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE- do this for yourself, not the other person.  The sweetest revenge on a person is living a better life.  Unforgiveness keeps you trapped in the pain and unable to move forward. It is like letting that person get the best of you over and over.

photocredit: TamD photography