Sunday's Phatspiration: Beauty Is As Beauty Does

For years, literally, I had given up on myself. I had moved away from a very free environment in advertising to a much more conservative one in education. I spent a lot of time focused on securing my masters degree and learning how to be a stay at home mom. Then I became ill, followed by my mother (she has Alzheimer's), followed by my father. (he has prostrate cancer). In a blink of an eye, I lost who I was and transformed into a woman that I did not recognize. In addition, from all the meds and steroids, I went from a size 7 to 14. Sexy, in my mind, jumped out the window of the top floor.

I didn't feel pretty, nor did I have the time to invest in my appearance.
I was a mother, wife, daughter, patient, caretaker, and student that had no room on her plate for self indulgences. I loved my hair in a bun (I was Ms. Bun-O-Matic wearing it up top, in the back, on the side, even two buns).
I stayed in my favorite pair of jeans and t-shirts with my favorite classic white Adidas (the ones with the fat laces...think Run DMC). Sweat pants and yoga pants were my go to comfort clothes. Gone were my sexy dresses and fiya (Ebonics for fire) heels; my shoe collection is nothing to play with! I stopped caring and yielded to the frumpy, old maid stylings that became my new normal. Then I found out who I was in Christ.

I stopped waiting on shedding pounds and started to look at myself the way God saw me. I was beautiful. I was special. I was loved beyond understanding. When that began to settle in my soul, I wanted the outside to match the inside. Suddenly, weight did not matter more than the effort it took to look MY best. Not a model. Not an actress. Not the women that I envied who wore a size two. I was striving for something that was unachievable. Not that I can't lose the weight; I could no longer wait to be the woman that God called me to be. Yes, I have rolls. Yes, I have wings. Yes, my thighs could start a fire from all the rubbing that they do. But there was one thing that caused my perception to shift, we all have insecurities. I saw celebrities with butt and boob implants. I heard of women dying on the table during their plastic surgeries. I saw women who I didn't think were attractive that had way more swag than me.

It is the confidence that you have in yourself that makes you sexy. Not your weight, not your clothes, not even your makeup. I have seen women who were dressed to the nines, but were still ugly. There is a huge difference between self love and being conceited. Being conceited means that you take credit for how you look. Self love, rather, shows that you love what God has created in you. I know that it is hard, especially in our image driven society, not to.compare yourselves to others. That said, you were designed to be unique. It is truly a blessing and once you embrace this truth, your beauty cannot be hidden. Don't think about if you are too skinny or too fat.Think about if you are living YOUR best life. Are proud of your actions? Does your appearance reflect the way you truly feel about yourself? Would God be pleased with how you honor your body, your temple?

Are you living your life like it is golden? There is truly freedom in pursuing the best you that you can be. When you do so, you inspire others around you to do the same. I am no where near the size that I would like to be, but I love myself anyway. I feel beautiful because I know that  true beauty is hard to define. I am a dime piece because He made me that way, just like He made you!